Motivation please?

Dear God,

It's been such a long time since I last blogged.  College life really is very hard.  The only thing that keeps me going is my motivation.  I lost my motivation at the start of the 2nd semester because I kept getting low grades at my plates, but when I got a high grade at VT and GR I started getting my motivation back.  I told myself  "see, you CAN get a high grade, just keep moving forward".  BUT, my motivation last semester was to get in the football team at my college, but last Friday, that was the first day of training with them, I didn't really enjoy myself.  I felt small because all of them were already so good.  I didn't feel like I belonged.  And just yesterday, I joined our team in my old school in their training.  Same thing happened, I didn't enjoy myself.  That 1 sport that I love doing, that sport that makes me happy when I feel down... I'm starting to lose interest.  I don't want to give up on football, but I just can't seem to find any motivation to keep playing.  I don't see any reason why I should continue.  Please help me get my motivation back..

Thank you for listening.

  

Lucky Day

Dear God,

July 10, our take home project was to build a house (scale of 1:50) based on a skeletal structure made of barbecue sticks and we were supposed to pass it on July 17.  PLUS! it should be stable, and to make sure it was sturdy our prof told us that he was gonna put either a 1.5L bottle of coke or a 1kg sack of sand on top of our work.  As always, because of our busy schedule I always start working on Saturday/Sunday, so I only had like 1-2 days to work on it.  And as usual, I crammed.  At first I didn't know how to make it sturdy.  I didn't want to use a glue gun cause I thought it would make my work look ugly, so I used an elastic band to tie it together.  So I finished it Tuesday morning and think I slept 3am?  so I only had 2-3 hrs of sleep.  I brought it to class that morning (which I don't usually do cause our design period was after lunch) to make some finishing touches.  When I arrived I looked at all their works.  I felt a little scared cause theirs' was really sturdy!  I looked at my work and I saw the elastic band looked a little loose so I removed it so I could tie it again.  Since it was at the middle I removed a lot of sticks... I regretted what I did  T.T   I couldn't remember where the other sticks were placed so I rebuilt my model.  I hated what I did cause my first work looked better  -.-   After we ate lunch we went to our drafting room and I borrowed some wood glue to make my work more sturdy.  I also borrowed some mighty bond so it would dry quickly.  I hesitated for a moment cause I know that if I put mighty bond the elastic band would melt.  and I was right.  I PANICKED.  I put masking tape where the elastic band broke.  Our prof shouted  "DO NOT use tape"  and he was looking at me while he said it  =))  So I borrowed wood glue and I smurred a lot, and I mean a lot of wood glue so it would stick.  Then it was time to put our works outside so he could check it.  One thing I forgot to mention was if our work falls/collapses, our grade also falls  T.T  When I placed my work outside I lost all hope of having a high grade..  AND, he didn't bring a 1.5L bottle of coke nor a 1kg sack of sand.  He brought a 2-3kg sack of sand  O.O  so while we were doing our plate inside I was a little teary eyed cause I knew my work wasn't stable enough.  I couldn't wait to see what became of my project after it was smashed.  After the bell rang I saw one of my blockmates work had fallen to pieces.  It's like adding salt to the wound.  BUUUUUT, when I saw my proj I was like  ???????   it wasn't smashed! it was still in one piece. I was so happy!!! THANK YOU GOD.  My efforts wasn't for nothing.  Even though I know my grade won't be that high, I'm happy that I didn't fail.  

Another good thing that happened to me this morning was I found out my crush's name!  <33333  I told my seatmate, who happened to be the same school as him, about him.  Right on the spot he texted some of his friends what his name was.  I was like  "OOOOHH MYYYY GOOOSH"  Then I found out his name.  He's German  :">   Which is ironic because I had a crush on a kid from our neighborhood who was also german.  German people are taking over our country  :))  He told me "kilig na kilig ka eh"   (sorry I don't know how to translate it in English)  I was all smiles cause I've been stalking him since the first time I saw him which was like Aug 2011?  He told me his name, which is really cool of him  :">  Thank you so much Conrad.  I'm so grateful to you  XD

So this was a happy, lucky and wonderful day for me.  Thank you God for the happy experiences you gave me.  I love you so  :* 

God is good all the time

Dear God,

I am so thankful to you right now.  Even though the 1st and 3rd week for me was like hell, you still managed to save me from my misery.  I know I don't deserve your help.  I crammed even though our professor gave us 2 weeks to work on our project.  I didn't do anything the first week and I started my project on Friday the 2nd week.  I didn't manage to pass my project on time.  I almost lost hope because I was so afraid of passing my work late.  But I'm glad I did.  I'm glad I made the extra effort to make my project.  I'm glad I still passed my paper late.  I was so happy he accepted my work even though it's late.  I thought he would get made at me cause I didn't make the deadline.  I don't really expect a high grade.  I just wanted to show him that I made something yet wasn't able to pass it.  

I am also very thankful for my grade today.  My 1st and 2nd grade didn't really gave me much hope of ever getting a high grade.  When I saw my paper earlier I was so happy.  It was the highest grade I received so far.  A 90 is enough to motivate me to make my plates better.  It gives me the feeling that I CAN get a 100, with enough effort. 

That's all I have to say for now.  Thank you so much Lord.  You are the best.  You are always there to give a helping hand.  I love you so  :*

Lower down your Pride

Dear God,

I feel so sad today.  We had a football match and we lost.  At first we were hoping expecting to win and become the champion (again), but we underestimated the public schools.  We thought that we could easily beat them cause they were amateurs.  And because we were the champions last time, we thought that we were greater than them cause we have special trainings, more experience and cooperation.

Our first game was with the blue team.  I think it went well, even though I wasn't really satisfied with myself.  Our score was 1-0.  Our second game was with the Bareto(?), the yellow team.  Our score was 0-0.  I don't really remember the 3rd game.  But I know that we didn't lose.  

The organizers called the coaches.  Sir Roy went to the stage.  When he approached us he told us that the organizers draw lots to choose who will go to the finals.   Of course we were mad and argued to Kuya Roy, but he said  "wala na kong magagawa"  so we let it slide.  But we still felt really angry about the topic.  

We went on with the game.  When the other team scored a goal I felt really down.  Dharxy and Gaive had a lot of attempts but it was no use.  Their attempts were always too weak or too strong.  I was losing hope of winning.  THEN, the other team scored another goal.  Tears started falling.  I tried not to let my emotions get to me.  After so many attempts, we scored a goal.  We were kinda glad that we got atleast 1 goal.  but the time just wasn't enough.  We ended the game with 2-1.  When the whistle blew I just couldn't hold back my tears.  I think everyone of us cried. cause our coach said to us before he left that he believed that we would win.  We started blaming the organizers cause of their (sorry for the term) crappy way of choosing the finalist.  Who would even think of doing a draw lots on a championship game?  

I feel so much anger because of them.  but I know that we were at fault too cause we didn't complain earlier.  We were so mayabang cause we thought that we could win against every team there.  We really didn't think that we could lose.  Sir Neil told us that we should lower down our pride and never underestimate anyone.  He said that we should just forget about what happened and move on.  We could always make bawi next time.  On June 2, I really will try my best to get that gold medal.  but I don't really mind the bronze.  I think it looks better than the gold  :)

Thank you Lord for teaching us that we shouldn't think too high of ourselves and that we should never think of others like that.  I wish the person who stole took my ball will practice more and become an even better player.  I don't really mind losing the ball even though it cost mt dad 1000k+ I can always buy a new one  :)

I Love You so

Sweet 16 :">

Dear God,

Today is my 16th birthday.  I didn't want to expect things cause I didn't want to be disappointed when it doesn't happen.  It was like 1am and I was still awake, using the computer.  I was surprised to see my cousin and my classmate send me a personal message.  My cousin told me that he sent me a video message on ooVoo.  When I opened the "2 new received files" I saw their video message.  I want to post it here but I don't think it's possible, LOL.  I was so touched to see them make something for me, even though it was like 1:30am. 

Thank You so much guys. I Love You both  :*

So I told everyone that we were to meet at Shakey's at 11am.  My cousin and I were waiting for Luis in school cause we were supposed to go to Jean's house then go to Shakey's.  When we arrived, LALA + Kelly were already there.  We told the waiter to give us a table for 14.  Our seats weren't really comfortable cause we were sitting so close to each other.  Me, Luis and Roi ordered, 2 Deal 3's (1200+x2)and 1 Deal 2 (P880).  When our order came, I was so shocked.  I ordered too much  :)) 

We ate together. Me, my cousin Ros, Jean, Luis, Roi, Ven, Kelly, Chel, Jade, Lissbet, her best Eljo, Arcdel, Jaz and Deng.  3 pizzas, 2 spaggs, 19 pcs. chicken + mojos and 5 ice teas (pitcher).

 After that we went to SM to watch a movie, me, ros, jean, luis, jade, chel and roi.  We couldn't decide what to watch cause we wanted to watch M.I.B, but it wasn't showing yet, so we watched Battle Ship.  It was so cool.  At first I didn't want to watch it cause I didn't feel like wasting my money on a movie, but after watching it I didn't really mind.  I really enjoyed the movie  :)

After the movie we decided to go home.  Ros sent me home.  By the way, Jade gave me a gift  :D  When I opened it, it was so cute  <3

After that I opened the laptop and started thanking everyone for greeting me (via facebook).  I started getting irritated cause my facebook was not functioning well  -.-  then my mom and dad went to my room and told me that they had a surprise for me.  Papa said "Your birthday starts at 12am and ends at 12am, it's not over till it's 12am" then they covered my eyes and took me outside.  When I opened my eyes I couldn't believe it.  PAT and NEL were right in front of me  O.O  I started crying when I saw them.  I missed them so much.  I really didn't expect them to come cause I knew they were busy.  Pat went to UP to enroll and Nel was in Pangasinan, then just like that, there standing outside my house  :D

They gave me a gift  :">

tears started falling  T.T

*sorry about the face

<3 Shirt

This made my day.  Seeing them after so long.  I missed them so.  I love them so so much  <3

Thank You Lord for giving me such wonderful friends.  I am so blessed to have them.  Thank You Lord, I love you.

UP or UST?

Dear God,

So yea.  I've been stressing over it for this past few days.  When I was in my first year of high school, I've always dreamed of studying in UP, specifically in Diliman.  I never really dreamed of studying in UST.  I told myself back then that I would study there.  LOL.  Here is a list of what I wanted to take up.

1st year to 2nd year.  I wanted to be a Linguist cause I wanted to meet my J-artist crush.  HAHA.  I thought that if I became a linguist I could be the one in Music Station talking/translating to HeySayJump and other J-artist that I like  XD

3rd year.  I loved Math back then.  I think my lowest grade was 89?  So I decided that I wanted to take up Business Management cause I thought that it was as easy as solving a simple problem.

4th year.  In my summer review in Brain Train, I thought of myself as one of the best in English cause I frequently get the highest score in our seatworks  :)  So I wanted to take up Communication Arts.

I took the entrance exam in UP (UPCAT) last August I think?  It was really hard  -.-  I had given up all hope of ever studying there.  I thought that everything I've learned in Brain Train was put to waste.  I couldn't remember the things I learned there.  Especially the Science part   >.<

I was scheduled to take the entrance exam of UST (USTET) on November something.  But I was shocked that we had a game scheduled in Ayala the next day.  I thought that my parents wouldn't allow me to play cause they wanted me to study, but I promised them that when I get home I would put all my efforts in studying.  They agreed and I was so happy.  (I saw Lukas that day  :">  I didn't expect to see him)  I took the exam the next day in CA San Pablo.

Look at my skin.  Eww.  So tanned.

Oyea.  Here are my courses.

In UPD  1st choice Linguistics, 2nd choice Business Management.

In UPLB 1st choice Agri Business, 2nd choice Communication Arts

In UST, 1st choice Architecture, 2nd choice Business Economics (they didn't have business management)

The results for the USTET was released last February.  The USTET was released before the UPCAT.  At first, when I found out that only a few of my classmates passed, I got scared cause my course was a quota course, meaning they only take a limited number of students.  My classmate, who I heard wanted to take architecture since she was in first year, didn't qualify.  I got really scared cause I wasn't confident in my exam.  I didn't finish the first part.  I didn't manage to answer 12 items. So if you look at it this way, I only answered 48/60, and of course, minus the mistakes.  I wanted to see my USTET result so badly, so I asked my classmate if I could use her laptop.  When I saw the results I was so surprised to see...

I PASSED!  I PASSED BOTH of my courses there!  ^.^

I was so happy to see that I passed both.  I feel really proud of myself.  When I saw this I kinda wished that I wouldn't pass the UPCAT  :))  cause i knew that if I passed, I would have to pick ONE SCHOOL.  and I know it's so hard to choose cause UP is my dream school, but UST has my dream course. (drawing + Math = LOVE)  

So when the UPCAT results were up I was kinda sad not to see my name.  I'm so selfish.  So I decided not to fret about UP and just go to UST.  BUT THEN.  A letter from UP came to our school and I got a surprisingly high UPG.  WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME? ajujuju

The required grade to enter UP is 2.4.  I'm kinda disappointed that I didn't pass though.  It's SO CLOSE, yet so far.  LOL.  BUT, UPLB has a waitlist.  The required grade is 2.8.  When I saw my UPG I thought to myself that getting in UP isn't really that hard.  I can just go there then shift to another course or campus.  but bacause of the increasing accidents happening there, I decided to study in UST once and for all.  I took that as a sign to not study there.  

Thank you for the opportunities that you have given me.  Thank you also for teaching me to choose for what I really want/need.

Wishing is Believing

Dear God,

I still can't believe that this 4th quarter I'm a second honor  O.O  I really didn't expect it.  I thought I wouldn't be an honor anymore, or maybe just an achiever, cause my exams were so low.  I'm so happy cause even though I didn't really study, I made it!  I'm a second honor!  :D  It really is a happy feeling.  The feeling you get when you aimed to be something and tried to achieve it, and when you least expect it, you can already see it in you hands.  Thank you so much Lord.  I know that without Your guidance, I couldn't achieve this.  Without your help and support, I wouldn't even think that I can do it.  I feel so honored to be blessed with the intelligence you gave me.  I promise I won't use it for bad things.  I'm very sorry that I sometimes take things for granted and that I don't try my best.  I am very happy to be an honor, cause I know it makes my dad happy  :)

Wishing IS Believing.  cause if you don't believe that it will happen, you won't even try.  

Thank you and I love you  :*